:: Second Coming: Quickies ::
:: Average Single Male :: by Jim Parker
Size Matters
It is confirmed that women have the most sensitivity within the first couple
inches of the vaginal opening, so the latest research appears to be common
sense. It stresses that a man's penile length is less important than the overall
circumference. In basic terms, a fat Henry is better than a skinny Sammy.

My response to all of this research is; why is size always a man's problem?
Think about it, there are women with tractor trailer sized mud flaps grazing
against their thighs or openings that could swallow baby livestock. Of course
the average size fellow would find more friction fucking an autumn breeze.
For a change, I would welcome research regarding the tightening of the
female anatomy. A stitch, a clip, or a knot should be easier, cheaper, and
have fewer side effects than enhancing the male member. There are
options, please Google vaginoplasty.

The Grafenberg or G- spot has rightfully received much attention in the
media. This quarter sized area located on the front wall of the vagina is
known to be the Holy Grail source of the "oh my God" orgasm. Every woman
has differences in biology, so it may fluctuate in size, sensitivity and exact
location. However, once this area is found and properly stimulated, the G-
spot tends to offer more intense orgasmic activity. Best found by facing your
female partner, inserting a finger inside the vagina, and using the "come
here" motion. The spot will have a little more texture than the surrounding
area. Wash hands and trim fingernails before extensive exploration.

Drugs and Alcohol
  • Mixing alcohol with sexual activity can lead to pregnancy, STD's, public
    nudity, performance problems, arrests, job loss, and death.
  • Smoking and drugs kill erections.
  • Smoking can hinder penis size, full erection capability, and reduce
    orgasmic activity in women.
  • Breeding and sexual relationships among family members can be
    linked to alcohol, drugs, and illiteracy; let’s all agree to stop infesting
    our society with handicaps and retards.
  • Alcohol and drug use temporarily makes unattractive people and
    animals more desirable. Unless the plan is to maintain a high level of
    intoxication for long periods of time, please ask a wing-man for a
    second opinion.

STD's and Contraception
  • Within the United States, statistics show about one in four sexually
    active people have a sexually transmitted disease.
  • Quick list of STD's: Gonorrhea, Chlamydia, Syphilis, Herpes, HIV
    (Human Immunodeficiency Virus), and Genital Warts. Changes in skin
    color, scent, discharge, texture, lesions, scabs, performance, pain,
    insects, and sensitivity should all be considered hints to visit your
    preferred physician. Until you are properly diagnosed and cured, stop
    fucking and spreading your infection.
  • Quick list of Contraceptives: The Pill, condom, female condom or
    dental dam, diaphragm, cervical cap, sponge, spermicidal cream, the
    Morning After Pill, and a variety of implants are tools to limit STD's
    and/or pregnancy. Please explore the options that fit best with your
  • Abstinence is the only guaranteed way to avoid STD's and pregnancy.
    I have yet to meet a pregnant virgin with herpes.
  • STD's and pregnancy do not discriminate against age, gender, race,
    religious preference, and geographical location. Accepting
    responsibility and living with the consequences is not a choice, it is
    what grown-ups do.

  • Younger persons are not necessarily tighter or better performers.
    They may be more attractive with the lights on, but that is about it.
  • Relationships with the younger generation may end in bribes, court,
    jail, or death.
  • Women under thirty are much more likely to conceive. It is simple
    biology and nothing to argue over.
  • Age is not a good measure for sexual expertise. Older persons may be
    less talented than the younger participants.
  • Persons above the age of thirty are not always successful and
    financially secure. They may be in debt, unemployed, divorced, or still

Common Sense
  • Vibrators, dildos, fruits, vegetables, golf balls, pens, bottles, rolls of
    change, silverware, cell phones, or any other inanimate object can be
    used as a sexual toy. Be careful of how you use them, vegetables and
    fruits may cause allergic reactions. Do not leave a previously violated
    item where others may mistake it for normal use or consumption.
    Vibrators and other items previously used for sexual penetration
    should not be shared or used on multiple persons. The rule is: One
    clean vibrator per person, per session.
  • Petroleum jelly has been known to adversely affect the reliability of
    latex condoms. Invest in the more expensive lubricants that are
    specifically designed for sexual purposes.
  • Sexual relations with coworkers create uncomfortable situations and
    may lead to unemployment, not promotions.
  • Persons considered to be highly attractive may be terrible lovers.
    They might also possess ugly, smelly, and deformed loins.
  • Unattractive people may have beautiful privates. Give everyone an
  • Vaginal childbirth does not always affect sexual performance,
    pleasure, and size.
  • Performing sexual activities in public will most likely deliver
    embarrassing moments and court appearances.
  • Sexual encounters while driving or operating machinery can lead to
    injury and death.
  • Orgasmic Urinary Incontinence is an embarrassing encounter for
    women only. During intense orgasms, some women may experience
    this form of release. Never believe a man that claims he suffers from
    OUI, trust me, he just wanted to piss on you.

  • Oral Sex is a givers preferred sexual act.
  • Kama Sutra is a collection of sexual positions that evolved in the East
    (further East than New York). Exploring the opportunities is an exciting,
    fun, and healthy experience. Some positions require a higher than
    normal level of flexibility and strength, so please be in a better shape
    than a potato.
  • Anal Sex: Males with dominant, controlling, and abusive personalities
    usually desire this act. It is true, some people enjoy anal stimulation,
    but with small objects. Think about it. The term Doggie style has been
    replaced by "Entry from Behind." This politically correct phrase was
    adopted for those of us who may have interpreted it as barking,
    sniffing crotches, leg humping, and marking our territory while having

The above material is a rough draft of the final product that will be included
with the follow up book in early 2010.

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