So you want to know about sex or improving it? What can I tell you that is
going to help you get the romp you deserve? Hell, everybody does it and we
have all had our experiences, but what is so special about what I have below?
Well let's start out nice with an academic approach. We can plan in the mud
on a less sensitive topic.

My scholastic definition of sex is the act of arousing natural hormone activity
by fondling, touching, teasing, or creating intimate interest through other

Notice the definition covers masturbation, oral sex, anal sex, and all of the
behaviors leading to the activities mentioned. The act of flirting is included
along with those dirty little thoughts about your neighbor. Granted those are
not standard bodily violations like intercourse, but they are sexually related

In my humble opinion, there are too many people complaining about their sex
lives because we associate sex closely with ejaculation, orgasms, and physical
acts that lead to sexual relief. Usually, the problem is not with the frequency,
variety, or the attractiveness of the people involved, but with other issues. For
instance a man who bickers about frequency is probably more concerned with
his own feelings of inadequacy. On the other side, women who express
concern about orgasmic activity may not feel they deserve pleasure; possibly
some sort of guilt. In either case, improving sexual relations involves more
than reading an instructional manual or watching a video. It involves redefining
our interpretation of sex and it takes a thorough personal evaluation, says this
self proclaimed doctor.

The simple truth is we do not know what we want when it comes to sex. We
move from partner to partner, believing what we have been taught and do our
best. This is a critical mistake. Of course, sex becomes routine, boring,
uneventful, and the interest is replaced by maintenance. No one can give or
receive good sex without knowing what they enjoy. We need to find the time to
actually think about what really turns us on, how we wish to be treated, and the
fantasies that accompany such thoughts.

We have been taught that this type of inquisition is abnormal, dirty, or
perverted. Really? Priests, schoolteachers, managers, consultants, fast food
clerks, gymnasts, politicians, musicians, construction workers, and even you
are guilty of having provocative thoughts and fantasies. They are natural,
normal, and healthy. There is nothing wrong with the thoughts, problems only
arise if there is action based on the inappropriate ones. To be brief, our
preferences and desires lie within these thoughts.

Sexual Discovery
There are a couple of assumptions we need to consider when unlocking our
sexual nature. First, we have to understand that every person is different.
People differ not only in physical characteristics, but also values, culture,
opinions, and heritage. The second key to a fulfilling and healthy sex life is in
self-exploration. This includes physical exploration and those fantasies
cluttering your mind.

Stay with me, the following ten questions may be uncomfortable, but entertain
me. The questions below should help uncover and identify your sexual
preferences. I suggest elaborating on each by writing more than a single
sentence to get the full benefit from them.

Ten Questions Mapping Sexual Discovery
  1. How many times a day, do you engage in sexually related activities
    (include flirting)?
  2. What kind of sex do you have or imagine; oral, anal, vaginal, or other
  3. What positions do you prefer?
  4. How many partners do you have sex with (include masturbation)?
  5. Where do you have sex?
  6. How many orgasms do you attain or give?
  7. What specifically about those people excites you; clothes, accent,
    personality, physical feature, scent, level of success, financial stability,
    creativity or a combination of assets?
  8. What is different about the partner you imagine and your current
  9. Are the majority of sexual encounters, romantic, aggressive, playful,
    intimate, erotic, passionate, or are they more concerned with
    maintenance and curiosity?
  10. What specific pleasures do you enjoy during self-enjoyment

Once you have the answers, rate each one on importance. With this
information you should be able to uncover your specific sexual preferences.
Now, if you find that you enjoy blowing Alzheimers' patients in the hospital
cafeteria, you might want to check into a different ward. For the rest of the
population, this exercise should offer greater sexual awareness and healthy

Reflecting on the answers, you may realize your current partners or situations
do not adequately satisfy your profile. No worries, this is common during
sexual discovery. Usually, the problem is not with our personal preferences,
but with how we handle addressing them. Terminating a relationship and
seeking out a better-suited partner is not always the solution. Of course, there
are instances of incompatibility, but these can be managed with a bit of effort.
Refer to the
The Three Keys to Relationships.

Achieving Sexual Satisfaction
  1. Learn about yourself. Know your preferences.
  2. Learn about your partner. Stop treating them like your previous
    conquests. This person is different, so tune into them.
  3. Communicate amongst yourselves. Tell and show each other what, how,
    and why you enjoy certain pleasures.
  4. Have respect. If you show respect, you will receive respect. It is
    unacceptable to coerce, force, or cross personal boundaries.
  5. Limit expectations. Some people will reciprocate our favors, others
    won't. Some are good, and others are not so talented. No one is perfect
    and this is opportunity to teach and learn
  6. Savor the moments. Unless there is a fire in your building, there is no
    need to rush through foreplay. Spend the minutes wisely by exploring,
    touching, and tasting each other.
  7. Have passion and intensity. It is not what you say, but in the way you
    say it. It is not what you do; it is how you do it.
  8. Experiment and explore the opportunities. Be creative with new
    positions, techniques, toys, and even places to satisfy each other.
  9. Have fun and laugh. There will be awkward moments and some could be
    considered embarrassing. Enjoy them all.
  10. Relax. Everyone gets nervous. Remember, this is a natural wonderful
    and fun activity.

These are general guidelines, but you should be able to build on them and
start improving your sex life. Notice much of the material relies on establishing
communication, comfort levels, and trust. If I were you, I wouldn't expect too
much from your new partner or random "one-night stands." It takes time to
learn about someone, gain his or her trust, and be able to communicate

Now was that so painful?

Also check out
Oral Sex (Best Ever)
:: Second Coming: Sex ::
:: Average Single Male :: by Jim Parker
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