|Respect is always a two way street. In most cases, if you give, you will
receive. Treat each other as equal partners. Respect is commonly paired
with consideration and there are four areas to focus on; basic manners,
personal items, hygiene, and opinions.
- Basic manners: It isn't too difficult or time consuming to open doors,
leave the toilet seat down, clean up after yourself, and maintain an
acceptable level of organization. So do it.
- Personal items: If you borrow some thing, put it back where you found
it. If you break it, lose it, or sell it, please replace it. If you dirty it, clean
it. This is simple stuff.
- Hygiene: Remember when you two first started dating? You would
shower, brush your teeth, shave, wear decent clothes, and deodorant.
Maintain those habits. At times we may slip or "get comfortable" and
end up taking our relationship for granted. There is nothing wrong
with wearing sweat pants, putting on a few pounds, or not shaving.
The problem occurs when the behavior is consistent; for Christ sake
no one likes to get pubes stuck in there teeth.
- Opinions: They are like assholes; everyone has them. We can listen,
try to understand them, and offer our thoughts. There is no room for
abusive language, physical contact, or even derogatory remarks. We
need to respect others for their differences in opinion.
Communication is probably the most difficult out of these three. Many
women use hints as a way to tell us something. This is not a skill to use on a
man. Guys do not understand hints or the art of hinting. It frustrates the shit
out of us and aggravates the male mind. If a woman wants the trash taken
out, she should say, "Take out the damn trash," not "It smells in here." Men
communicate differently. ASM's don't even hint, we just bottle every thing up.
Eventually we will end the relationship because our partner "had no clue"
how to satisfy our needs. My point is we could all use improvement in our
communication styles. Basically, we all need to learn to tell each other what
we want, when we want it, and how we want it; leaving out the sarcasm.
- What do you want? We all know what we want, we simply do not know
how to ask for it. There are times, when we feel like the other person
may judge us or we might hurt their feelings. So we either do not tell
each other and the shit gets worse, or we do not say it right and the
shit gets worse anyway. For instance you have a partner who is not
into oral sex, how would you tell them you want them to go south on
you? Option 1: During foreplay, shove their head down there. Option
2: Twist into a 69 position and try to face fuck'em Option 3: Find a
local college tramp and not tell your current partner. Option 4: Talk
about why they do not enjoy oral sex and explore possible
opportunities. The correct answer is Option 4. Your partner may have
had a bad experience, or doesn't like pubic hair, or was taught that
oral sex acts are gross. In all the cases, both of you should be able to
discuss the matter and address it.
- When do you want it? Of course, there are certain appropriate times
for just about everything. So, staying with the oral sex example, how
would you tell your mate that you want oral sex now? Option 1: Take
off your pants and say, "it is time to dirty those knees, bitch." Option 2:
Just before having sex, would you say, "no dessert before dinner"?
Option 3: Whisper in their ear, "hey, I would really like for you to go
down on me now." Option 4: While driving down an open stretch of
road, show your loins and ask, "It looks pretty tasty, doesn't it"? Any of
them may work, but the most appropriate choice is Option 3.
- How do we want it? This is the most difficult to address because
answering how is a personal preference. With how, we are telling
someone to change the way they do something. Now what would you
tell your mate if you wanted them to perform oral sex a certain way?
Option 1: "lick it, suck it, and kiss it, you loin lapping fool." Option 2:
Put in a porno focusing on oral pleasures and say, "now that is what
the fuck I like." Option 3: "What are you, stupid? You don't really blow
on it." Option 4: "I get the chills when you lick me right there." (Use of
ears to steer is recommended; more information here.) Do I really
need to tell you which one is the optimal choice?
Tolerance has become the forgotten stepchild of many advisory
professionals. It is consistently overlooked in magazines, journals, books,
radio and television. Tolerance is a simple concept; we need to understand
that every person is different. It is true, we all have thresholds and there are
times we wish we could choke the living shit out of others. So the next time
someone is pissing you off remember we have the following choices; listen
and learn from it, walk away, act on it (in an appropriate matter), or change
the way we feel about it. It is a waste of time arguing, fighting, and trying to
persuade the other person to change. If you honestly cannot tolerate them,
break up and find someone who has similar beliefs, habits, and thoughts.
Points to Ponder for Tolerance:
- If you do not like people who are overweight, do not date fat people.
- If you enjoy a home cooked meal, find a person who knows how to
- If you have a problem with people who have slept around, don't look
for partners in bars.
- If you can't stand Republicans, find someone who agrees with your
- If you need an atheist, stop looking for a soul mate in church.
- If children repulse you, don't fall for a single parent.
There are times when we are so in love we feel we can overcome what we
think our their deficiencies. True, we may be able to for a short period of
time, but that is a choice and we will have to accept and tolerate the
Now, you know, what I believe are the critical aspects to every relationship.
Remember relationships are only difficult when we make them that way. Use
common sense as your guide, build on the things you already know, and
stop wasting time with people who don't want you.
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